Think like a monk: my Book Notes

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Think-Like-Monk-Train-Purpose/dp/0008386420/

Think Like a Monk: The secret of how to harness the power of positivity and be happy now

by Jay Shetty

How to reduce the negative thoughts and habits, live more up to your values and etc. It has several self-reflection exercises and a lot of quotes.

My Rating 7/10

As I took more than 100 notes during reading this book, I’ll post some of them in a RAW format as they appear in the book, without additional context and my interpretations.

1. “A layperson who is consciously aiming to be continuously alive in the Now is a monk.”. Monks can withstand temptations, refrain from criticizing, deal with pain and anxiety, quiet the ego, and build lives that brim with purpose and meaning.
2. Fame, money, glamour, sex — in the end, none of these things can satisfy us. We’ll simply seek more and more, a circuit that leads to frustration, disillusion, dissatisfaction, unhappiness, and exhaustion.
3. “The one thing that stays with you is your breath.” This ten-year-old monk added, “When you get stressed — what changes? Your breath. When you get angry — what changes? Your breath. We experience every emotion with the change of breath. When you learn to navigate and manage your breath, you can navigate any situation in life.”
4. In 1902, the sociologist Charles Horton Cooley wrote: “I am not what I think I am, and I am not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am.” Let that blow your mind for a moment. Our identity is wrapped up in what others think of us — or, more accurately, what we think others think of us.
5. He says, “Your identity is a mirror covered with dust. When you first look in the mirror, the truth of who you are and what you value is obscured. Clearing it may not be pleasant, but only when that dust is gone can you see your true reflection.”
6. The movies we watch, the music we hear, the books we read, the TV shows we binge, the people we follow online and offline. What’s on your news feed is feeding your mind. The more we are absorbed in celebrity gossip, images of success, violent video games, and troubling news, the more our values are tainted with envy, judgment, competition, and discontent.
7. Nothing took the place of these distractions except space, stillness, and silence. When we tune out the opinions, expectations, and obligations of the world around us, we begin to hear ourselves. In that silence, I began to recognize the difference between outside noise and my own voice. I could clear away the dust of others to see my core beliefs.
8. No matter what you think your values are, your actions tell the real story. What we do with our spare time shows what we value. For instance, you might put spending time with your family at the top of your list of values, but if you spend all your free time playing golf, your actions don’t match your values, and you need to do some self-examination.
9. According to the Gita, these are the higher values and qualities: fearlessness, purity of mind, gratitude, service and charity, acceptance, performing sacrifice, deep study, austerity, straightforwardness, nonviolence, truthfulness, absence of anger, renunciation, perspective, restraint from fault finding, compassion toward all living beings, satisfaction, gentleness/kindness, integrity, determination.
10. The six lower values are greed, lust, anger, ego, illusion, and envy.
11. Who you surround yourself with helps you stick to your values and achieve your goals. You grow together. If you want to run a 2:45 marathon, you don’t train with people who run a 4:45. If you want to be more spiritual, expand your practice with other spiritual people. If you want to grow your business, join a local chamber of commerce or an online group of business owners who are similarly driven toward that kind of success.
12. It feels good to be around people who are good for us; it doesn’t feel good to be around people who don’t support us or bring out our bad habits.
13. It is impossible to build one’s own happiness on the unhappiness of others. — Daisaku Ikeda
14. I flash back to a class Gauranga Das taught called “Cancers of the Mind: Comparing, Complaining, Criticizing.” In the class, we talked about negative thought habits, including gossip. One of the exercises we did was keeping a tally of every criticism we spoke or thought. For each one, we had to write down ten good things about the person.
15. More often, we use gossip to put others down, which can make us feel superior to them and/or bolster our status in a group.
16. And the more negativity that surrounds us, the more negative we become. We think that complaining will help us process our anger, but research confirms that even people who report feeling better after venting are still more aggressive post-gripe than people who did not engage in venting.
17. If we try to be problem-solvers, then we become frustrated when people don’t take our brilliant advice. The desire to save others is ego-driven. Don’t let your own needs shape your response.
18. To purify our thoughts, monks talk about the process of awareness, addressing, and amending. I like to remember this as spot, stop, swap. First, we become aware of a feeling or issue — we spot it. Then we pause to address what the feeling is and where it comes from — we stop to consider it. And last, we amend our behavior — we swap in a new way of processing the moment. SPOT, STOP, SWAP.
19. To help us confront our own negativity, our monk teachers told us to try not to complain, compare, or criticize for a week, and keep a tally of how many times we failed. The goal was to see the daily tally decrease. The more aware we became of these tendencies, the more we might free ourselves from them. Listing your negative thoughts and comments will help you contemplate their origins. Are you judging a friend’s appearance, and are you equally hard on your own?
20. When we limit our negative speech, we may find that we have a lot less to say. We might even feel inhibited. Nobody loves an awkward silence, but it’s worth it to free ourselves from negativity. Criticizing someone else’s work ethic doesn’t make you work harder. Comparing your marriage to someone else’s doesn’t make your marriage better unless you do so thoughtfully and productively. Judgment creates an illusion: that if you see well enough to judge, then you must be better, that if someone else is failing, then you must be moving forward. In fact, it is careful, thoughtful observations that move us forward.
21. Most of the time what we feel is anxiety related to everyday concerns about money, jobs, and relationships. We allow anxiety — everyday fear — to hold us back by blocking us from our true feelings. The longer we hold on to fears, the more they ferment until eventually they become toxic.
22. When you deal with fear and hardship, you realize that you’re capable of dealing with fear and hardship. This gives you a new perspective: the confidence that when bad things happen, you will find ways to handle them. With that increased objectivity, you become better able to differentiate what’s actually worth being afraid of and what’s not.
23. It’s the same with our emotions — they are something we’re feeling, but they are not us. Try shifting from I am angry to I feel angry. I feel sad. I feel afraid. A simple change, but a profound one because it puts our emotions in their rightful place.
24. The Roman Stoic philosopher Seneca observed that “Our fears are more numerous than our dangers, and we suffer more in our imagination than reality.”
25. Hindu philosopher Bhaktivinoda Thakura describes four fundamental motivations. Fear. Thakura describes this as being driven by “sickness, poverty, fear of hell or fear of death.” Desire. Seeking personal gratification through success, wealth, and pleasure. Duty. Motivated by gratitude, responsibility, and the desire to do the right thing. Love. Compelled by care for others and the urge to help them.
26. “As long as we keep attaching our happiness to the external events of our lives, which are ever changing, we’ll always be left waiting for it.”
27. Passion + Expertise + Usefulness = Dharma. If we’re only excited when people say nice things about our work, it’s a sign that we’re not passionate about the work itself.
28. Every day, think as you wake up, today I am fortunate to be alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. — the Dalai Lama
29. We spend time at work dreaming about going on a beach vacation, but then, on the beach, long-awaited drink in hand, we’re annoyed to find that we can’t stop thinking about work. Monks learn that these two scenarios are connected. A desired distraction at work bleeds into unwanted distraction on vacation. Distraction at lunch bleeds into the afternoon. We are training our minds to be where we physically aren’t. If you allow yourself to daydream, you will always be distracted.
30. Location has energy; time has memory. If you do something at the same time every day, it becomes easier and natural. If you do something in the same space every day, it becomes easier and natural.
31. There are infinite austerities or challenges you can try: giving up TV or your phone, sweets or alcohol; taking on a physical challenge; abstaining from gossip, complaining, and comparing.
32. When something doesn’t go your way, say to yourself, “There’s more for me out there.” That’s all.
33. A well-known poem by Jean Dominique Martin says, “People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.” These three categories are based on how long that relationship should endure.
34. There are five primary motivations for connection — and note that these don’t exclusively apply to romantic prospects: Physical attraction. You like what they look like — you are drawn to their appearance, style, or presence, or you like the idea of being seen with them. Material. You like their accomplishments and the power and/or the possessions this affords them. Intellectual. You like how they think — you’re stimulated by their conversation and ideas. Emotional. You connect well. They understand your feelings and increase your sense of well-being. Spiritual. They share your deepest goals and
35. Ultimately death can be seen as the greatest reflection point — by imagining the last moment you can reflect on everything that leads up to it.
36. Among the most common regrets dying people express are: I wish I’d expressed my love to the people I care about. I wish I hadn’t worked so much. I wish I’d taken more pleasure in life. I wish I’d done more for other
37. To imagine your own death gives you a bird’s-eye view of your life. Try a death meditation whenever you are questioning whether or not to do something — to make a significant change, learn a new skill, take a trip. I recommend that you always do a death meditation at the beginning of a new year, to inspire new paths in the upcoming year.

Plus many more interesting passages in the book.